So...?

lets get married.

cos i’m ready to disco.

Irene : Cruel but most efficient way: tell him to bugger off.

Me : Think I’ll do it when he comes crawling n pesting me off.  Lol, bug pun.

Irene : Good.  Men like him r frankly just plain repellent.  Makes my skin crawl just to think of them.  don’t let him worm his way back into ur life.  So pestiferous.

Me : Not sure if he understands how bacterial his existence is to my concern.  Think I’ll squash him self esteem out of his shell if I do tell him off.

Irene : U should.  Sometimes the harsh truth is necessary in ridding self of such scourge.  It’s a stick situation, having to tell him, but sometimes it’s better to do so then to let him tick u off on a chronic basis :P

Me : speaking of stickiness, think he has weaved himself a web of imaginary affairs.  Oh well other than total extermination there r no other ways to reason with such lowly esteemed vermin.  

*drum rolls and crashes please*

Once upon a time in a far away land there  was a princess in  the monster tribe.  The tribe lives in a swamp so it only makes sense if her perfect man is the frog prince who doesn’t turn into a human when kissed.  Such was the simple requirement but every damn frog turns human when they consummate the relationship.  So princess monster keeps divorcing her human husbands.  One day same thing happens again, frog prince turns human and she thinks “fuck it,” she eats the damn prince who still tastes like a frog.

wrote this in 30 seconds to test out fonts.  i’m hungry.  try this.

its about setting priorities straight.  

i’ve been at a movie for almost 2hrs now and there”s no sign of ending.  but since i’ve been requested to make a wish list, hey i gotta prioritize right?

The idea formulated wasn’t so much based on a request.  It started since July when I drooled over a Longines watch, and the burning need to buy a new laptop.  Knowing I don’t have much in my pocket and that I am an addict for travelling, a wish list was required in order to help me prioritize and aim to acquire them one by one, within means.  So here’s my wish list and if you’re out of idea what to get me for the celebration of my birth and my extremely mediocre but comical life, this will help you like a nicotine patch right on your tongue.

1)  Longines watch.  - RM3600++.  Thin body, clean surface, man’s watch.  Roman numeric.  Probably master series but cleaner.  Or any watch along that line.  Its an entry level to watch collectibles.  

2) Macbook Pro.  15” starting at RM3699.  Of course 17” would be heaps better.

3)  Oh!  And a new phone!  I hate my blackberry.  And I need an Android phone.  My company line has unlimited 3g data plan but I never make a call from it not even use it in anyway cause the phone is so shit it hangs all the time.  So unutilized 3G package.  What a shame.  I browse a lot and I’m really close with God I ask him questions all the time.  BB surfing just doesn’t cut it anymore.

4)  Ipad.  I travel and I read, so enough said.  But I hate itunes.  

5)  An amp.  A good one.  20watt.  For the style of music I play probably a good Fender Tube amp.  Something that produces bluesy tunes.  Not sure of the price but EXP.  Price’s probably >RM1000

6)  Mic condenser.  Starting RM700++.  It’s the kind of microphones for recording purpose.  With really clean sound that collects every bit of audio output from your mouth, or surroundings.  But that requires a mixer, and requires a MacBook.  So i’ll settle with a normal microphone.  it’s a lot of investment.  A lot of investment means a lot of time investment too.  I’m already an unhealthy hermit not sure anymore social withdrawal is any good for me.  And that will come with a mic stand.  Mic stand would be the cheapest RM100++ starting.  But if I wanna broadcast more of my awesome voice… just saying.

6) Diving gears.  eventually i’ll need everything but so far fins n mask would do just fine.

I also need to get mum a new TV, and a new fridge… and and and…

Here are the rest of my to-get list.  But these things I can manage on a monthly basis.  I just need to budget properly and postpone these items at appropriate timing.

1)  Chanel Aqua Foundation.  Or Lancome.  Or Dior.  I haven’t tested them out.  But I really really need a new foundation since I came back from Phuket and the current one I’m using is too pasty for day use.  And I am much more tanned now.  Hence the burning need to buy cosmetics.  I have a valid reason, okay?

2)  Chanel/Lancome/Dior/Bobbi Brown pressed foundation/powder.  Oily skin.  Need it.  

3)  Finish my collections on Hellboy series.  I have about 5 out of maybe 10.  Expensive but… its my indulgence.

4)  Arkham Asylum - Serious House on Serious Earth graphic novel.  I am big on collectible graphic novels.  So there’s definitely more than this I’m after.  But so far this is on the list.

But on top of that I want nothing more than peace on earth, hunger and disease free world and natural sleep and a consistent sex life.  I’m serious, last year or 2 yrs ago birthday wish I actually wished for a recovery from insomnia.  That is how bad I crave for sleep.

it has been a tough battle.  to fight off an addiction is to welcome deprivation.  And not a day the light seems closer, the craving gets easier.  I have been restraining myself, and set myself to abandon the luxurious habits.  And by god, I am hardly holding my breath in the deep red sea of debt.

Long story short, I overspent by 5k in a single month in August.  To balance the accounts and in a dire effort to bounce back on digits in the reservation I have to, oh god I have to just suck it in and live on the basics.  So as a principle, no matter what cost it is, big or small, I decided to not spend on anything that goes under “Luxurious pampering” when expenses get itemized.  But it is so tough a battle.  I have not bought a single cosmetic this month!  I have to shun away from the thought of a hair wash in the hottest day possible.  I go to the airport at least twice a week and the temptation of duty free cosmetic store is constantly taunting me.  It pokes, it seduces me with alluring aroma, and punches me in the soul saying “come get me… you know you want me..”

It is so hard on me.  It is almost month end and by far I have only bought a box of facial masks.  Do you know what that’s like?  It’s a serial rapist repeat offender who tries so hard to restrain self and give in just by stealing glances at models on a billboard.  When I was at Guardian I took out my calculator and actually calculated the difference if I bought the facial masks online and here.  Much struggling happened internally when browsing from shelf to shelf.  It’s like a man stranded on a deserted island for 5 years and walking through rows n rows of beautiful nubile women so ready to mate but the man could only keep telling self “they’ve got STDs… they’ve got STDs… they’ve got STDs…”

I need a cold shower.  a really really cold shower.  Chant some mantra later.  Next month is birthday month and I fear, cycle would just repeat all over again for I’d just give the stupid excuse of “oh it’s birthday month so it’s okay!”

cold shower. cold shower. cold shower. gucci flora. lavin marry me. dior addict. hugo boss. cold shower.

G: “Apply for overseas posting, Or move to new branch office.  Get MBA.  You’ll soon reach 30.  In no time 35, max age for mid management position.”

…….  that takes the joy out of listing my birthday wish.   sigh.

What am i gonna do with myself now.  I still act like 12.

sssaaaaaiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhhh…

Just as I was taking my shower I thought of how we have all lived our rebellious ways.  We have possibly done everything possible sometimes intentionally, and sometimes just being on the edge in all phases of life during those certain years, to challenge the norm, to challenge concepts prescribed to us, to break free, on a path to find ourselves.  Yet paradoxical at that is the journey of soul searching was guided by the frame of illusions hence the whole embarkations of most outrageous, drugged up, drunken behaviours, and such was, the soul searching.  The only thing that didn’t cut it to the list of insane misconducts was probably an orgy with hobos. but other than that, we have pretty much done everything.

It had been fun during the phases, and in retrospect.  We even  did a Fear n Loathing of Las Vegas in a miniature scale.  It was a 13hr ride to Miri at night with a case of beer in the backseat.  We were popping pills and went through the most psychedelic soul searching journey ever.  We stopped from town to town to feed, and to buy drugs as we ran out.  Scored our drugs and took some more.  Chatting and baring our souls, dancing in our own world, 1 cd playing in the car, i would listen to my own electro shit on my laptop with my headphones on.  Disjointed yet connected.  And we timed our high to slow down at point of sunrise.  As we reached our destination it was already noon time.  Having only slept for 15 min from all the drug high combustion, by the time we met friends we had to control the jitters in the jaw.  But yet we didn’t care.  ”Hey i just got here on a 13hr long drug high so ignore me”

That night at our destination there were more drugs and alcohol to go on with.  Did lines of K and alcohol.  And at the same time scouting for aeromine for the coming down and finally some induced rest.  And finally… the high, the paranoia, the soul search reached the end of the curve, marking a dot on the X - Axis… somewhere along the line.

it was fun now i think of it.  despite all the stupid money wasted n borrowed but never returned.  

how it’s like to be young and daring again.

sigh.

There are so many sales reps on these flights. And yes I’m not a very popular one. Ah well.

Yes, eventually Stilnox will have to take the stage.  I have popped 2 now, neither here nor there. Why 2 pills?  Cuase after the 1st one, I am calm with clouded serenity.  My thoughts are on the track, logical, but they also want something wild to do as Stilnox entices them on.

Best is to layan a game.  Okay. Bye.

Drank 2 glasses at home last night and experienced the worst side effects.  Extreme Migraine, pulpitations and had problems breathing.

Woke up this morning at 7.30am and took a GIANT piss that’s enough to make a molotov cocktail out of it.  It was an EPEE MOMENT.